What if forgiveness isn’t a gift for them—but for you?
That’s the heart of Scott Stewart’s powerful journey—a man who chose healing over hatred, growth over bitterness, and peace over lifelong pain.
In this moving conversation on Grief 2 Growth, Scott sat down with host Brian D. Smith to share how he forgave the man who hurt him more deeply than anyone else could: his own father. The same father who, in a moment of blind rage, murdered Scott’s mother.
This isn’t a story about excuses. It’s a story about reclamation.
If you’ve ever wondered how to forgive someone who hurt you deeply, when the pain seems too great and the betrayal too personal, Scott’s story may be the hope you didn’t know you needed.
Childhood in the Shadow of Fear
Scott’s story begins in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. Adopted at birth, he grew up with a mother who loved him, but a father who ruled the home with anger, manipulation, and emotional volatility.
“He could go from zero to rage in seconds,” Scott recalls. “I was always walking on eggshells.”
His mother tried to shield Scott, often explaining away his father’s behavior. “He’s tired. His back hurts. He’s under pressure.” But as many children in abusive households learn, rationalizing doesn’t remove the fear. It just teaches you to internalize it.
And for Scott, that fear became his foundation.
The Unthinkable Night
In August 1991, at age 22, Scott sat down for dinner with his parents. His mom had made her signature spaghetti. The night was unusually peaceful. As he was leaving, his mother followed him to the door.
“She asked for a hug. Kissed me on the cheek. Said she loved me.”
It would be the last time he ever saw her.
Later that night, while she slept, Scott’s father took her life. The act was sudden, violent, and irrevocable. It sent shockwaves through the family—and through Scott’s entire understanding of love, safety, and identity.
But that wasn’t the end of the betrayal.
“I Thought You Did It.”
A few weeks later, Scott agreed to visit his father in jail. He sat behind the glass, phone in hand, unsure of what to feel.
Then came a gut punch he’ll never forget.
“He looked me in the eye and said, ‘I didn’t do it. I told the police I did it to cover for you. Because I thought you did it.’”
Even in the face of unimaginable loss, Scott was being manipulated again. His father, still operating from a place of control and distortion, planted doubt when Scott needed clarity.
It was the last time they ever spoke.
What Forgiveness Is—and What It Isn’t
At first, Scott wasn’t thinking about forgiveness. He was just trying to survive. For two years, he numbed his pain with alcohol—not to escape, but to dull the noise. Eventually, a caring coworker asked him the question that changed everything:
“No… how are you really doing?”
That moment cracked something open. Scott began therapy. He immersed himself in personal development. He committed to healing. Slowly, the topic of forgiveness surfaced—and with it, all the misconceptions we carry.
“I had a totally false belief about what forgiveness is,” Scott says. “I thought it meant I had to excuse him. That I had to trust him again. That he somehow won.”
Instead, he reframed it:
“Forgiveness is releasing the hurt, anger, and bitterness—so you can move forward without them weighing you down.”
In other words: Forgiveness is not for them. It’s for you.
Why We Stay Stuck: 6 Forgiveness Myths That Hold Us Back
Scott identified six major reasons people struggle to forgive—even when they want to.
1. We think forgiveness means trust.
It doesn’t. Forgiveness doesn’t give someone access to your life again. Trust is earned. Forgiveness is given—on your own terms.
2. We think it’s for them.
Scott’s father never apologized. Never showed remorse. Forgiveness still happened because it was never about him. It was about Scott’s freedom.
3. We think we’re excusing the behavior.
Not at all. Scott still acknowledges the horror of what happened. Forgiveness didn’t erase the crime. It ended its power to control him.
4. We think it’s one-and-done.
“I had to forgive my father hundreds of times,” Scott says. “Every Christmas, every milestone, every time my daughter was born—and my mom wasn’t there—I had to forgive him again.”
Forgiveness is a process, not an event.
5. We don’t want to let go of the anger.
Anger can feel like power. But as Scott puts it, “It’s like holding a hot coal hoping to throw it—only you're the one getting burned.”
6. We think it changes the past.
It doesn’t. But it does change the future. And that’s what makes it worth it.
Choosing a Different Legacy
Scott didn’t just want to survive. He wanted to become a different kind of man.
“I didn’t have a model for what a good father looked like,” he says. “But I knew what I didn’t want to be.”
Through years of therapy, coaching, and faith, Scott broke the cycle. Today, he’s a loving husband and father and a speaker helping others do the same.
“You can’t go back and change the beginning,” he says. “But you can start where you are and change the ending.”
What Forgiveness Creates
Forgiveness didn’t erase Scott’s pain. It didn’t bring his mother back. It didn’t restore trust in his father.
But it did something just as important.
It gave Scott his life back.
The ability to love his wife without fear. To raise his daughters with gentleness. To sit in peace with himself, even when the past whispers reminders.
“Forgiveness can’t change what happened,” Scott says. “But it changes everything about what comes next.”
Are You Ready to Let Go?
If you’re still holding on to pain, anger, or betrayal, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
But you do have a choice.
Start by asking:
What am I still carrying that no longer serves me?
Who am I becoming by holding this pain?
What might be possible if I let it go?
There’s no timeline. No pressure. Just an invitation:
You can forgive. Not for them—but for you.
🗣️ Join the Conversation
What’s your experience with forgiveness? Have you struggled with letting go, or found freedom through it?
💬 Join us and others on the journey:
🔗 grief2growth.com/community
🔗 Scott is at https://scottstewartspeaking.com
Share this post